Still down..... I think I need a prescription of anti-depressants. Last night I fell asleep cryin'. Now I'm still sad coz one of my closest friends is going through a major heartbreak phase. Obnoxious boys! What a great way to end the week. Sad.....

But my mood went fine for a few minutes coz Nike, wrote an open letter to all the members of the org. She wrote I should not worry about anything. Such a friend. I believe she really felt the loneliness I am goin' through right now. I'm gonna post her exact words next time.

I'm goin' to my grandma's place in Nueva Ecija tomorrow with mom. I'm gonna spend time with my family and go out of town to freshen up. This week did not go really well for me and for my BFF as well. Obnoxious boys! Just when I thought everything was goin' on great. Obnoxious boys! For the weekend, I'll be out of touch with the world coz there's no network signal in my grandma's hometown (it's near Aurora province, the mountains) and no internet. Just me and my family. I'm gonna need that. I just want to hide away from the world and I wish I could bring BFF with me knowin' the pain my BFF feels now after their break up. Obnoxious boys!

Obnoxious boys! Obnoxious boys! Obnoxious boys!

This day didn't turn out the way I want it to. To begin with, I was sad last night. I went to bed feelin' bad. Then I woke up this morning with that same feelin'. My day ran with this certain sad feelin'. I tried so hard to make myself happy but no amount of chocolate bars and other stuff that used to light up my mood did the work. Sad, sad, sad..... I haven't felt like this in a long time. This sad feelin' was so unexpected, it caught me off guard. What's happenin' to me? I am just plain sad now.

One of my girls gave me an origami. It's a bird, a good luck bird she said. I really appreciate it coz she gave it to me just when I need some comfort. I believe she was God's instrument to lift me up today coz He felt my sadness.

It's just frustrating coz I don't know the reason why I am sad. If I know the reason, it would be easier for me to get rid of this sad feelin'. Huhuhu..... I wanna cry coz I feel like cryin' but tears just won't fall down.

I just want a hug, a really good hug right now. Loneliness..... Sadness..... Loneliness..... Sadness..... I wanna get over this feelin'!

Haha! I was supposed to do my thesis today but I ended up bonding with my girl friends in school. I didn't even go to work today for more bonding sessions. I didn't even go to class this morning coz we had our org pictorials for the yearbook and I was a bit sad coz my stylist (BestFriendForever Dano Tingcungco) didn't come. He just sent me a text message for the right make-up colors. But I really wished he was there. A girl really needs her stylist at all times.

Then I had lunch with the girls in our org, spent the afternoon with best buddy Angeli and as always, we talked about girl stuff. Then Nike came, Dad Marky came and the rest is history-- a day of talks, talks and more talks. I am so gonna miss those moments.

Angeli and I were talking about the aftermath of a soul search coz I'm planning my own soul search. I'll go somewhere down south all alone and just travel and visit the places I wanna visit. Or maybe, I'll go with someone I don't really know but I wanna have a good relationship with. Like some random person in my life, like an acquaintance who lives down south so he/she could tour me around and at the same time be really close with after the trip. After the soul searching, I think I'll probably work my way to being an ambassador of good will in some country. Angeli said she'll be a DJ and party for money. Now that's cute!

Hmmmmm..... I got home early to watch the episodes of Laguna Beach season 3, The Hills and Beverly Hills 90210 in youtube for more bummin' around. Yup, I'm a Bev Hills fan. My childhood days til my pre-teen days are filled with episodes of Bev Hills. I even wait for Shanice's "Saving Forever" video in VH1 whenever I can coz the video was shot in Bev Hills High with Donna (Tori Spelling) and David (Sean Austin) and it's a really sweet video. You know, high school love.

Today one of my girls showed me a scapbook she made. Lots of pictures. Photos of her and her whole family. Then I just thought, if I'm gonna have a daughter, I'll also make a scrapbook with lots of photos. I wanna be a mom already each time I'm with the kids. I really do! But how can I be a mom if I don't want any guy ever in my life again? Well, there's the artificial method. Then again, how sure am I that I'll have a normal kid. I just want to have a daughter..... What a big problem.

Hmmmm..... I was reading the entries in our org (UP Journalism Club) logbook today and there's this part where the we were asked to describe the other members. Then everyone described me as "flirt", "makati pa sa makating kikay", "play girl" and "always on the go". In other words, they see me as a playah. Fine, whatever. After all, my BFF Dano and I are two of the hottest playahs in playland. Haha!

Then again, how could they see me a s a playah when I have been dateless for three years? Yes, three years. Unbelievable? Yeah, even my mom thinks so but she considers it as her blessing. I'm tryin' to figure out why people think I'm a playah (a hot playah) when I really am not into dating anymore. Let them think that way coz I'm kinda likin' it. Haha! So let the games begin.

Know what, I'm takin' back the quote I got from Laguna Beach season 2. "Hate the game, not the playah". I go for love the game AND the playah. I'm a playah (as perceived by the people around me) therefore I love myself. Haha!

Boys, boys, boys, boys..... I had my first slumber party with boys last Tuesday night. I learned that boys' slumber parties are all about video games, NBA Live and going down memory lane. Hahaha! So cute!

We spent the night at Misha's place coz it was too late for us to go home (especially me coz I live in the hills of Antipolo city). So there, it was an impromptu slumber party of four boys--Misha (the host), Dad Marky, Marc and Gelo-- and a hot and sexy girl-- me. At first, they were kiddin' about what four boys would do on a girl. Yeah, whatevah!

Me and the host

Since I am the princess, I got to have the host's bed for myself. The boys slept on the floor. But Dad Marky who is not used to sleeping on the floor invaded my comfort space on the bed.

I was the first to sleep but I didn't get to sleep that much coz the boys (for some unknown reasons) decided to play video games. For more nostalgia coz Misha's room is itself very nostalgic with all the Ghostbusters, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and any old school cartoon anyone can think of action figures, they played Contra and Mario Brothers on family computer. Very old school! They were so noisy, they kept laughing. I buried myself under the covers and the pillows to shut off their voices but still they were so noisy. I even heard Misha shout, "NBA Live tayo!"

In a typical boy's room

I was not exempted from their "games". They swore they heard me snoring! I really can't believe it coz my mom says I sleep as quiet as a baby. Then these boys were laughing coz I was snoring and Dad Marky was sleeping with his eyes open. Haha! At least I could say I'm a complete human now coz I snored during one of my million slumbers, I already talked in my sleep, I sleep walked and I pissed in bed (I was dreaming I was in a cubicle doin' my thing when this happened and I was 14 then). Haha!

But boys' slumber parties are boring. You can't even make them tell you their deepest darkest secrets no matter how many secrets you already told them. They just want to play, play, play and be boys when they're together on a night like that.

Camera whorin' while the boys dig the PC

Girls' and gays' slumber parties are still the best. Lots of secrets, bonding, kikay stuff and all that jazz. Haha!

Bummer. It was my first time ever to watch the UAAP cheerdance competition yesterday but we lost. It was the first and last cheerdance competition that I saw before I graduate and it was supposed to be special but it wasn't. To begin with, my first year in UP was, in a way, great coz the UP pep squad was the reigning champions and I wanted to end my last semester in UP with the pep squad on top again. But it didn't happen. Huhuhuhu.....

Then there was this obnoxious guard at the Araneta coliseum. He said, "hindi pwede pumasok ang kinder". I got so angry with him coz I'm not doin' anything wrong so I answered, "whatevah! hindi tayo close!". Good thing I have my gay friends with me and Dad Marky told me that I should've answered, "Manong, five years from now you're still a guard and I own the building your guarding". I just hate men who think they can do that to girls.

Oh well, I might as well drop it (the cheerdance issue) like it's hot. Haha! Very Snoop Dogg. I should focus on more important things in my last few weeks as a student-- my thesis, my case study for journalism ethics, my exams in macroeconomics and other academic stuff. I need to get things over with!

For more comfort thoughts, I was day dreaming at our tambayan this afternoon coz I didn't have streetdance class. Then I thought of how ecstatic I'll be if I could get the lead female role if there's gonna be a 4th Fast and Furious movie. Haha! I'll get to drive those cars and it would be fine if they won't pay me money as long as they give me the car. Oh my gosh! What if it would really happen?

Freakin' thesis! Today I started full blast (when I say full blast, I really mean full blast) on my thesis. I can't wait to finish it by the month ends. Now I made a new schedule and I just realized my new schedule revolves around my thesis. I'm starting to have graduation jitters.

I vowed to stop doing certain things for a while like bummin' around during my free time when I should spend that time in the library or in front of the computer typing the content of my thesis. I just pray I'll still have my inner beauty before my grad pictorials. But I have nothing to worry, I have vitamin E cream and tea tree oil both from the Body Shop. I've got to finish everything before the month ends.

Wahhhhh!!!!!! I fell asleep with my contact lens on! I thought I took them off before I had my nap. But my eyes are fine. They're not red and they don't hurt but I had a hard time taking them off, I almost tore them off. I'll really take them off before I sleep. I don't wanna be blind! I think I'll start wearing colored contact lens so I won't be confused if I still have them on or not before I sleep. Then again, I'm practically fine with the color of my eyes which was the reason why I'm wearin' transparent contact lens.

I'm having a boring life. Really, I am. I'm getting bored of the things I'm doing coz I've been seeing the same people at school, at work and at home. Is it bad? I guess so... There's no drama in my life lately. Maybe I've been in my comfort bubble for too long and no one dares to penetrate my comfort bubble except for my friends and my family (not to mention my mommy who bursts my comfort bubble for fun and who is in Davao now which is good coz I get to have her house for 2 weeks) which makes me think people are scared of me. I remembered when my friends and I played a game at Cello's. We said our first impressions (good and bad) to each other and Mark M. told me he was scared of me coz he thought it was hard to get in my bubble. In other words, I'm not friendly?! Huhuhu..... I've got to do something about it. Ok, from now on I'll be the first to greet my acquaintances. I won't wait for them to greet me first. I'll smile often. Wait..... I'll be Ms. Congeniality. Haha! Not that extreme. I'll just try to be friendlier and start conversations once in a while.

Since mommy's in Davao for a couple of weeks and my brother's at my aunt's place for also a couple of weeks, I have mommy's place to myself. You think it's fun? It isn't. It's sad coz mommy's not around to talk to. Since I don't have the time to cook and I'm not into cooking dinner for one, I've been eating outside lately and I intend to do that til mommy returns with lots of suhang davao, marang, lychees, atis, pineapples and more suhang davao-- my most favorite fruit.

While having lunch at mommy's fave place in Antipolo (the place she asks me and my bro to eat when there's no real food at home), I overheard a couple havin' serious (and I mean really serious) talk with each other. The girl was on the verge of tears as she explained her feelings coz the guy's allegedly not spending enough time with her. She said she missed the time the guy spends with her when they were still on the getting to know each other stage. Then Mr. Obnoxious Guy explained his side and said the usual guy excuse-- he's too busy with work. Define work? Work has two meanings-- work as in career or working on another girl? Then the guy kept on reassuring her that nothing bad will hapen to their relationship. Yeah, right. Whatevah!

Whenever I see couples like that, I thank God. I thank Him coz uncertain feelings like that don't strike me. It makes me realize how lucky I am being on my own, doing my own thing and not worrying about obnoxious boys. There are people who are blessed by God with special someones but there are also those who are not. I say, don't fret if God doesn't like giving you someone special-- it means you are too special in His eyes that you don't need someone to complete you. He made you extra special. Like a special commodity-- limited edition/ all-in-one. His love and everything in you are more than enough to keep you goin' which makes you one of the greatest creations of God. Now that you've realized your full potential as His masterpiece, it's now your responsibility to share it to others not just with one person but with all the people around you.